Last week we talked about the myths surrounding Infertility and women. Men, as you may guess, are not exempt from these prejudices and thus the need for today’s post.
Myth 1: I am less of a man because I cannot get her pregnant. This is the twin male counterpart of the first myth as listed in Infertility: Myths about women. Have you heard of the expression ‘shooting blanks’? It is not funny when it is applied to you, and more especially by men who seem to bear an ability to conceive by just talking to their wives. Perhaps due to the very nature of men, this results to a deep seated feeling of inadequacy that may reflect in other areas of life if not correctly handled.
Truth: Like womanhood, Manhood is not defined by one’s ability to conceive. Even though our culture associated sexual potency with manhood, it is important to realize that there is more to being a man than your sperm count. Leading your wife, providing for her and protecting her are some of the things that come to mind.
Myth 2: My boys are fine- I don’t need to get checked.
Truth: According to a research done in Kenyatta National Hospital, 43% of infertility is due to the male factor. Of course there are factors that lead to this such as chemicals that one ingests, putting off child bearing beyond years of nature’s design and others as such. But the fact is it is much his problem as it is hers. All you need is 20 minutes of your time and you will have a diagnosis.
Myth 3: My wife should not see how upset this makes me. So you have been trying to conceive for a while, you have timed cycles, sex is no longer as random as it used to be in your marriage, it is now calculated. You start to think that because your wife is upset, you should not be and even if you are, you do not let her see.
Truth: Being truly present for your wife sometimes means showing sadness when it does not work.She needs to know that you want this as much as she does. Withholding may make her feel less ‘appreciated’, or alone. Ranting alongside your wife may help you both connect and deal with stress that comes with these issues.
Myth 4: My wife wants a baby so much! Something is surely wrong with our marriage!
Truth: Desire to have a baby is something biologically wired into most women, so that it is perfectly normal, and rarely a result of discontentment in marriage. Actually, the fact that she is in a good marriage, maybe the very cause of these increased desires. A baby, in her eyes, is the ultimate consummation of your love. Of course this may not be true, but it is how most of us reason.
Myth 5: Infertility is how nature control’s population. If this sounds ridiculous to you, it is because it is. It is also more real than we may think.
Truth: Nature has been given too much credit. First of all, nature barely controls things, God does. So the myth otherwise stated reads that ‘Infertility is God’s way of controlling population’. Now that is even more ridiculous. It assumes that you know what God would do, and He is especially punishing you two as He attempts to make sure that the world is well populated. Now that is just blasphemous.